Five years ago my family and I experienced what I call ten days of grace. During these ten days of grace my beloved soul companion John Guy Baublitz began the journey of birthing into spirit. My children and grandchildren held vigil while Johnny began disconnecting from us and from the physical world. Johnny and I journeyed together for 3o years. I was not ready to say goodbye to him in the physical but say goodbye I had to do. I share a few excerpts from Birthing Into Spirit. In Birthing Into Spirit I share Johnny’s story as well as 5 other stories of people as they birthed into spirit.
Excerpts from Birthing Into Spirit
August 12th 2012
I have always believed in conscious dying. I call it birthing into spirit. The past few days have been, to say the least, emotional. Saying goodbye to someone you have journeyed with and loved for 30 years is hard. Saying goodbye to someone who has loved you unconditionally seems impossible.
I observe myself saying the right words. I coach Johnny to follow the light. He calls it the “golden light of God”. You can see the amazement and wonderment in his eyes as he gazes off into the heavens.
Yesterday afternoon he asked if I saw the light. Johnny said, “The light was everywhere and the light was God.” He said there were souls everywhere. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling. Days ago, he said he only saw heaven.
Today has been a day of Johnny going back and forth. He is laboring, much like a mother giving birth. Johnny is birthing into spirit. How can we hold on to someone who is birthing into spirit? And yet we do, I do. The little girl in me screams as she knows this man who has covered her will be gone from her life.
The tears flow as I sit here and watch each labored breath. This is no dress rehearsal, it’s really happening. Johnny is birthing into spirit and he will soon be gone from our physical sight. He will never be gone. He will forever be etched upon our hearts. He has blessed our lives. His laughter and his ability to love unconditional has helped me grow into the woman I am today. Even now he continues to take care of us, reassuring us that he is going home, home to God.
This morning he told Allan and me that all of our souls are together. They are watching us, sending us rays of love from the world of spirit. He keeps taking Allan’s hand reassuring him that everything will be alright.
Johnny told us he has been inside his room in dad’s house in heaven. He told us he has a computer. He said if pop can fish on the other side he can have a computer. Johnny said, “Everyone creates their own heaven.”
Saying good-bye, it’s something we will all have to do someday. For now, I will do what I do best. I will hold sacred space for Johnny to birth into spirit. We will surround him with our love. We will let the love of God, the angels and souls welcomed him home, to the world of spirit.
8/21/12
Here we sit Johnny and me. His breath is very labored and his moans continued. I know he’s not in any physical pain. The moans seem to help him release energy. Between these labored breaths Johnny told me, “That in God everyone knows and loves him.” He said, “Here on earth many people who saw me here didn’t know me, they didn’t see me.” Some people, he said, “even looked through me. But in God we see one another, we really see one another”.
I held his hand and I could see the angel of death was now in the room. I had seen this beautiful angel before but now I knew it was here to take my beloved Johnny back home, into the light.
As he labored trying to catch his breath Johnny looked at me and a huge smile crossed his face. I asked him what he was seeing? He told me, “An angel.” I said yes, “Johnny it is an angel, the angel of death is here for you.”
I had been seeing this beautiful angel for the past few days. During all of this I felt comforted by this beautiful angel. This angel who had come to light the way home for Johnny was also pouring its essence of angelic light through me. Through tears, I told him, “Go with the angel Johnny, go into the light.” I told him, “I love you Johnny, go, go into the light.” He weakly said, as I held his hand, “I love you too.”
Through tears I watched as Johnnie’s spirit left his body. I knew Johnny was going with the angel into the light. However, his body had not shut down.
During the last 10 days, the sparrows have come to Johnnie’s bird feeder outside his window. We had never had sparrows come to the feeder before or since Johnny’s spirit left his body.
I looked up the meaning of the sparrow and I read that the sparrows were flying around the cross and come to people after a long suffering. These sparrows actually sit and look in the window. To be honest, before I read about the sparrows they were creeping me out.
I was then reminded of a hymn and I sang it to Johnny.
~HYMN: “HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW”–LYRICS
“Why should I feel discouraged, Why should the shadows come, Why should my heart be lonely, And long for heaven and home, When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He: His eye is on the sparrow, And I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free, For His eye is on the sparrow, And I know He watches me.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear, And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears; Though by the path He leadeth, But one step I may see; His eye is on the sparrow, And I know He watches me; His eye is on the sparrow, And I know He watches me.
And I know He watches me.”
The sparrows left a few hours after Johnny saw the Angel of Death.
Little did I know that Johnny was not done teaching us. Although his spirit was free Johnnie’s body had not shut down. It was like a frantic racehorse that had no rider. His breathing was fast and furious. I thought at the time this would last for a short period of time. I had no idea what the next 48 hours would be like as Johnny’s body tried to shut down.
8/22/12
5:25 AM
For the past two hours Johnny’s beautiful heart has been beating out of his chest and he is now in a rhythmic sound known as the death rattle.
I sit here and hold his hand. I have held this hand for many years and I know with a certainty that Johnny’s spirit has left his body. No need for the drugs, other than the morphine. His body is beyond the need for drugs. Occasionally there is silence and I wonder is it over. But quickly the silence is replaced with the sound I will forever remember.
At times, I cry. The enlightened part of me reminds myself that Johnny is at peace. This is his body shutting down. The enlightened part of me feels and sees the angels and souls everywhere. The tears they will come, the sadness will be felt in the days and weeks ahead, for I am losing a part of me. My life will be very different. For 30 years we have held space for each other. I wonder, how will this void be filled? How many times will I wake in the night thinking I hear the ringer telling me that he needs me?…
August 22nd
Johnny’s nurse came to see him around 11:30 AM. She was going to increase the morphine once again. After calculating the amount of morphine he took in over night she called the doctor. His breathing was fast and labored. He had been breathing the death rattle since 2:00AM. I didn’t sleep more than 10 minutes here or there because every 15 minutes the alarm on my phone went off so he could receive the extra morphine.
As I heard John’s nurse talking to his doctor I felt the angry rise.
Johnnie’s body was experiencing anything but comfort care. When I heard the nurse say “Yes, we wouldn’t want to give him that amount of morphine because we could be giving him an overdose.” She talked a little longer and they agreed upon the amount of morphine. When she hung up I said, “I can’t believe what I just heard. Johnny’s body is experiencing anything but comfort care and you worry about giving him an overdose.”
I said, “He’s dying, why won’t you help him?” She got very upset and said, “What you are asking me to do is illegal.” I said, “You and I both know people practice euthanasia in the U.S. everyday.” She said, “I will not do anything illegal.” I said,“You would rather do something immoral than illegal.” Then I began to cry. I told her, “For 30 years I have protected this man from doctors, nurses and others who did not see him. I have protected him and covered him and now I feel like I am letting him down.” I said, “What is going on here is wrong.”
His nurse said I could complain to her supervisor. We both took a deep breath and I told her I know she is doing her job, but her job is to give comfort care and she was not doing that. She told me if the increase of morphine did not help to call the VNA at 2:00. She said they would call the doctor then to see if she would raise the morphine.
The next two hours Johnny’s body continued to race out of control. I will never forget the sound. At 2:00 I called the VNA. They said they would call the doctor. By 3:00 we hadn’t heard anything so I called back. I was told the doctor increased the morphine. I was told it took so long to get back to me because they wanted to have their T’s crossed and I’s dotted. At 4:00 the nurse arrived. She was visually upset that Johnny’s body was going through this. (tears) I told her, “You should have been watching this for the past 44 hours.” She asked me if I had talked to his doctor I told her not since last night. She said the doctor should see what is happening.
The nurse changed the morphine pack and again we continued hitting the bullet. This is what they call giving a dose of morphine every 15 minutes. Again, it didn’t help. Around 6:00 I went downstairs to get some rest. I knew it was going to be another long night.
Around 7:00 I received a text from an angel and then a phone call from the same angel. She asked me how Johnny was doing and I told her his body was struggling and laboring hard. I told her I felt I was letting him down. I cried and told her this was inhuman and wrong. During my time at the hospice I had never seen anyone’s body shut down like this.
I said if I knew how to help Johnny’s body shut down I would do it. This beautiful angel of mercy told me what to do. She told me how to help Johnny’s body shut down.
Allan and I walked the walk upstairs around 7:15. There was family in the room. We told them what we were going to do. My mother came in and gave him one last kiss and left. I kissed Johnny’s check and told him I loved him. Allan held his hand. Our granddaughter Shae ran into the room and said, “My consciousness told me if I wanted to see Johnny one last time to come quick.” We had wanted to protect her from this part of Johnny’s body shutting down.
7:30: We gathered around Johnny’s body which had been the vehicle for his soul’s journey we watched as his heart and breathing began to slow down. Gone were the torturous sounds. There was peace in the room once again. We listened to the music that Johnny loved.
Slowly and peacefully his heart stopped beating and his body shut down at 8:07 PM Wednesday. I realized as I held his hand that it felt no different after his physical death. I now knew without doubt that Johnny’s spirit had indeed left his body 48 odd hours before his physical death.
Through tears I watched as Johnnie’s soul essence hovered around his lifeless body. I could feel his love as I watched him move into the light.
I cannot say I was ready to let Johnny go. Is one every ready to let someone they have loved for 30 years go? I do know that in the end I did what I have done for 30 years. I protected my Johnny. I did what I know was morally right and the loving thing to do. I would not, could not watch his body go through what it was going through. Even though I knew my sweet John’s spirit was not in his body I knew that my sacred contract was not fulfilled until his body stopped breathing.
8/23/12 Life Begins without Johnny
Here I sit alone in Johnny’s room. As I cried, I allow the peace that is contained within this room to fill me up. During the past 10 days Johnny reminded me many times that we are forever together in God. He said, “In God, all of our Souls are one, and we will never be apart.”
As a healer, I have seen grief take people into the fire of despair and depression so deep they never allowed themselves to live again. I had one mother tell me,” I don’t want to move on with my life, not without my son.”
Move on I will do and so will John. Today he flies with the angels and is engulfed with the love of God. He is in what he called, “The golden light of God.” I believe that John was an angel among us. I also believe in this life he has earned his archangel wings, I will allow his soul to comfort me. I will embrace our soul love, for I know in soul we are together.
This does not mean I won’t grieve, of course I am grieving. I will embrace my times of tears and sadness, but I will also go on with my life, a life without Johnny. (deep crying)
For now, we go our separate ways, for I have a life in the physical to live and John has returned to Soul life. I am comforted by the truth of our duel existence. I know we are connected as one within God.
In the days, weeks, months and years that I have here on earth I will embrace my future with the energy of my seeker. For today a new journey begins. I will seek to make sense of a life without Johnny. I will seek to embrace the love that is around me. I will seek to fill this huge void in my life with something that will honor the years I spent with Johnny.
I know within the core of my being that my years with John have prepared me for what lies ahead. I must admit at this moment I am looking forward with a sense of peace. I know that wherever my journey takes me, the soul known to me as John Guy Baublitz III will be my companion and guide. Is he gone from my physical life, yes, but he is not gone.
The laughter, love and joy that was Johnny will always be with me. I will not allow this grief that I feel to me to define me or our time together. I will do what Johnny did so well. I will live and embrace each moment of my journey here on earth as the gift it is.
To Johnny, my soul companion, husband, teacher, friend, guide and angel. I will miss you. I will honor your life by seeking to discover who I am without you as my constant earth companion. Allan and I will comfort each other, we will comfort our family. We will all walk together knowing that in God our souls are forever connected. Our souls chose well when they chose each other.
Enjoy life on the other side. You have earned a long rest. Rest in the golden light of God sweet John, rest and know that “I am who I am today because I knew you.”
August 21st 2017 It has been five years since Johnny birthed into spirit. I still miss him. He was a very strong influence in my life and he continues to “pop” in from time to time. After his birth into spirit it took me a long time to adjust to life without Johnny. Someone once said that Johnny was the heart of our home, that was true and he most certainly holds a special place in my heart. Since his birth into spirit my beloved husband joined him on November 4th 2014. In Soul Love Never Ends I share how Johnny helped Allan move into the light. Their bond continues in the afterlife.
As I sit here writing in the room where Johnny birthed into spirit I think about those final days of grace. Tears flow as I remember the life I shared with Johnny. We called him Johnny Angel and I do believe he was an angel among us. Ours was a powerful soul contract. We journeyed together for 30 years in this lifetime. He taught me about living a life of grace and taking time to really “SEE” people. When I say SEE people I mean SEE them for who they truly are, incarnated souls doing their best to remember love.
Saying goodbye to Johnny and Allan was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but knowing that they both continue to experience consciousness and still having them in my life has been a blessing. Having a relationship with someone who has birthed into spirit is different than the one we share with them while they are in physical bodies but the love is the same because soul love never ends.
On this day, I celebrate the many gifts and the many blessings of the man known to me as John Guy Baublitz III. I smile as I feel his presence, hear his laughter and remember the love we were blessed to share here on earth as well as the soul love we continue to share.
Blessings, Katye Anna